literature

Venn's Purpose

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Endless void. I've been there. I know what it's like to be completely alone, in one's own thoughts, searching one's soul... if a soul is even there. I once felt as if I had no purpose whatsoever, save for denying more purposeless existence. In a sense, I've been dead before.

I eventually overcame the lowest, most pathetic time in my godly existence when, suddenly, I had a notion of truth. I thought long and hard about where truth could be found, and how to find it, leading me to a new purpose – understanding the fundamental nature of reality.

So, I created the Infinite World as a paradigm for, possibly, discovering the truth. I molded it into a place of co-existing extremes, and as I expected, all extremes find harmony in compromise. It confirmed my feelings about truth and ideals, but unfortunately, I still couldn't completely grasp what exactly is the truth.

I went through a time of introspection, digging up my less than glorious past, wrestling with buried emotions, clashing with myself in unbelievable ways, and recently, I've begun to get a little closer to my goal. My life, my very existence, holds the key to understanding the truth, and the Infinite World is the mirror on which my psyche is reflected.

I'm not perfect, but I control everything. Therefore, I can only assume that nothing is perfect. I'm fundamentally human, but I have abilities that make me very different. My inability to truly change myself is another indicator, saying that some things are set in stone. Chaos, order, and all dichotomies can exist in harmony at an intersecting point or area. Ideals, opinions, facts... are all merely interpretations stemming from truth itself.

The clues are laid out for me, but I know I can't go further. My only guess is that the truth is undefinable, and may be existence in and of itself. Yet I can't be sure, because I don't feel as if it's the right answer. Personally, I imagine that the real truth is one that resonates on the deepest level of my being.

Again, I'm led to disappointment. With myself, my actions, my consequences, and above all with reality for being much more elusive than fiction. If I can't find the truth, what is my purpose? Everything I created was for this one goal, and now it's completely meaningless.

It's not like I'm giving up altogether. I still love my creation, because it means everything to me. It doesn't mean much in a broader sense, but I don't care. If I'm going to continue my eternity with and semblance of happiness, I need to stop concerning myself with things that are above what I can comprehend.

At the same time, there's something even deeper in me, which challenges my sense purpose in yet another way. Am I needed? Can the Infinite World exist as it is without me? I've always felt as if my power and judgment must be involved to keep this simulation of truth on track, but I may be wrong. Existence in and of itself may simulate truth, and beyond creating an existence, I'm not required to participate.

I'm led to my greatest fear. It's not consequence for my past, because my eternal regret is enough. It's not a lack of perfection or inability to find truth, because I've slowly come to grips with those harsh realities. It's not my conflicted nature, because I'm comfortable knowing that the dominant part of me understands harmony.

No. It's a simple human fear. A fear that my life is worth nothing, despite all I can achieve, in spite of everything I've already achieved. Even deeper, a fear that all lacks meaning. Fundamentally, a fear that someone else will realize it, too, no matter how hard I try to hide it.

I suppose my story needs to end with a modicum of closure. I'm leaving the Infinite World for a long period of time, just to see if it can continue without me. Jenova and Will can stay, because I can't convince them otherwise, but my dominate, mediating self wishes for another death, for the purpose of discovering new purpose.

After all, in a purposeless existence, the truth may very well be nonexistence.
A sad ending, but with a slight chance of hope. Nearly made me cry when I wrote this, and it took me longer than usual to finish because, frankly, I was afraid of how this would turn out. Fortunately, I'm very happy with the result.

Previous Entries: Venn's Creation [link] , Venn's Trinity [link] , Venn's Path [link] , Venn's Ideals [link]

In the end, Venn concludes that his goal of understanding the truth is impossible, throwing him into a deeper existential crisis than ever before. He questions everything he's done, and ultimately leaves his destiny to forces he can't control nor comprehend.

This has had some proofreading or editing, and at this time I'm not asking for critique (but I'd welcome it nonetheless). I don't post stories on deviantART that I intend to make money off of. Keeps my intentions pure, that way. If you end up really liking my work, perhaps you can convince me to offer an improved, heavily edited version in the future. In the meantime, I happily allow sharing, copying, and editing of my work, as long as you credit me and don't use it commercially. Derivative works are allowed, but I'd much prefer being asked for permission first. Be sure to share alike.
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Exalted-Terraforce's avatar
whoo! I'm glad I finally read these I absolutely love it