Bodies of Water

Hello! This is a critique for <img class="avatar" src="a.deviantart.net/avatars/w/r/w…" alt="" title="Writers--club" />

I really like the rhyme scheme of this poem. I think it's fairly difficult to pull of a rhyme scheme, especially with a meter that works but you've managed it fairly well here. For the majority of the poem the rhymes feel incredibly natural and the change in meter from line to line doesn't throw the poem off rhythm. The one instance where the rhyme felt slightly constrained, I felt, was "One for my tears,
one for my fears,
one for the pains
of all my peers."
I felt that the use of the word "peers" in this instance seemed a tad forced. The word kind of varies pretty significantly from the type of vocabulary used throughout the rest of the poem.

I also really enjoyed the structure of your poem. I liked that it was consistent. At the same time, I feel like maybe experimenting a little more with the structure may help the poem. For example, I'd say that four-lined stanzas are probably the most compact stanzas that you have. They feel very polished and finished just because there's a certain symmetry to them. However, when you have stanzas like:
"Rising,
falling,
slipping
away-"
I feel like they would benefit from either being broken up into separate stanzas to dramatize the poem or perhaps from more punctuation. As it is, I feel like it feels too complete to have as much of an impact as it could.

I really liked the phrase:
"I’m a body of water
at the end of the day."
I like the image of it and I really like that it's a separate stanza of it's own. It really stanzas out as a strong image. At the same time, some of your imagery was a little bit obvious. For example:
"These tears of blood
tainting my tired brown eyes"
It feels just a little borrowed and something that would surface often enough in literature. It works in the context of the poem but I feel like less frequently used imagery would probably have more of an impact. I mean, water, I think, gives a lot of imagery for a poet to play around with so you should certainly try a little more experimentation anyway.

I loved the ending. It was very strong:
"And at the end of the day
I meet my fate
and these bodies of water
evaporate."
Probably my favourite part of the poem. It's a fantastic image and I love the wording you've used. I love that the last line is simply "evaporate". It kind of seems to depict this journey from the beginning of the poem where there's so much water and then by the end there seems to be no water at all.

All in all a strong poem but I think with a little more experimentation with imagery and structure would create something even stronger! <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt="" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="391" title=" (Smile)"/>