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:icongoldshroom: More from goldshroom


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Submitted on
March 6, 2013
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This is our time
living our prime.

This is our light in the dark.
Let it shine.

This is our race
keeping our pace.

This is our eye of the storm.
Let it rain.

This is our knife
carving our life.

This is our love for the lost.
Let it flow.

This is our seed
planting our need.

This is our hope for the land.
Let it grow. 

This is our code
writing our ode.

This is our word for the young.
Let it speak.

This is our praise
blessing our days.

This is our path through the fog.
Let it run.

This is our bone
setting our tone.

This is our warmth in the cold.
Let it burn.

This is our blood
soaking our mud.

This is our strength in the war.
Let it rise.

This is our poem
reading our tome
building our home
ending our roam.

This is our peace in the pain.
Let it be.

Before we begin to face the problems plaguing our race, I believe that we should be adopting a shared identity. This is our life, our struggle, and our chance to redeem ourselves together.

The second poem in my "Life Sentences" collection.

Previous Poem: How the World EndedLet me tell you the story
of how the world ended.

Once upon a time
a man and woman
committed the crime
of being human.

Having many children
throughout the world
multiplied their sin
as love unfurled.

Let me tell you the story
of why the world ended.

Once upon a time
the whole world came
to commit the crime
of passing the blame.

Fingers pointing out
and never within
all because we doubt
our very own kin.

Let me tell you the story
of when the world ended.

Once upon a time
we were in a womb
long before the crime
of death took a tomb.

Unable to fight
against the horror
we birth into light
when none are poorer.

Let me tell you the story
o

Next: Beautiful LiesBeautiful places
with beautiful skies;
beautiful faces
with beautiful eyes.
Do we realize
these beautiful lies
hide a truth so wise
it begins our rise?
Infinite endings
with infinite twists;
infinite rankings
with infinite lists.
Do our two bone wrists
attach two bone fists
when the fight persists
and no one resists?
Empowered peoples
with empowered dreams;
empowered temples
with empowered beams.
Do we open seams
by choosing our teams
just because one seems
as if it redeems?
Thundering verses
with thundering song;
thundering curses
with thundering wrong.
Not asking again.
I know the answers.
I know we have been
fighting our cancers.
 
Yes, we can see it.
Yes, we can beat it.
Yes, we believe that
we can achieve it.
Just one more question.
Do we have the will?


Also, I give thanks to the hundreds who gave "How the World Ended" at least a look. You have no idea how much of a labor of love this whole project is to me.

P.S. For this poem, I took some inspiration from the song "Always" by Switchfoot. I don't know what I'd do without that band. >_<
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:iconpoeknowsprose:
poeknowsprose Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2013
Well, I certainly enjoyed this piece. I liked the way you set this up with two lines rhyming. The only thing I would say to do differently were that a few places, especially in the beginning were a little unclear with the rhyming, except the two lines. You had shine rhyme with time and prime and I thought that's how the rhyming would be the rest of the poem, but it wasn't. If you could get it to work that way that would be really interesting, but you would have to change a lot. I really enjoyed the content and the flow though. We certainly do need to look at our common ground more as humans than at our differences. Well done.
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:iconphotopathica:
Photopathica Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2013   General Artist
Hi!
We have chosen your work for our Featured Folder for March!
This piece has been featured here:

[link]

On behalf of:
:icondeviantsgallery:
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:iconhyles:
Hyles Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013
Sounds pretty dull, tbh. You have no interesting sentences, the rhymes are generic and common, and there doesn't seem to be a real focus. Each stanza seems relatively disconnected from the others and the message isn't remotely unique. Yep.
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:icongoldshroom:
goldshroom Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013  Student Writer
I respect that. I suppose this is probably something you've seen, read, or heard before (and maybe do not appreciate), and I'll be the first to admit that I actively tried to keep this piece simple.
I can easily see a point of connection for each stanza (no surprise - I wrote it), but I think you mean that the order of stanzas doesn't follow much of a pattern, not the content itself. And you're probably right about that.

So if this poem is dull to you, I think I can understand why.
Reply
:iconavrilfan1999:
avrilfan1999 Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013  Student General Artist
I love it. But I'm no critic, so I'm not going to critique it. ^^;
Reply
:icongoldshroom:
goldshroom Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013  Student Writer
I'm glad you enjoyed it. :) I was in the mood to write something a tad lighter than before.
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